


Blue Midnight

by Clairebear1982



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25433137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clairebear1982/pseuds/Clairebear1982
Summary: After Marlene's death, Sirius locks himself away from the world. With Remus' loving comfort he soon rejoins the world.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Kudos: 1





	Blue Midnight

Theme: A character in ISOLATION.

Prompts: (Can use one, two, all)

[Colour] Blue  
[Time] Midnight  
[Emotion] Love  
Note: Can be any type of isolation, emotional, physical, or mental. Can be in prison, could be after a break-up, could be after a loss.  
\------------  
"How much longer are you going to shut yourself away Sirius? It isn't healthy," said Lily as she leaned against the door frame of Sirius' bedroom. 

She anxiously watched the lump in the middle of the bed roll over and groan loudly. 

"Sirius, seriously, you need to get up out of this bed, have a shower and something to eat and drink. Do you really think Anabel would…" 

But Lily was cut off by a cry of anguish. 

"Go away, Lily! Don't ever say that name in front of me again!" 

"But…" 

"NO! Fuck off!" 

Lily sighed and pulled the door closed before resting her back against it and covering her face with both hands. It had been a month since Sirius' fiancée had been killed by a drunk driver. Since then Sirius had taken to his bed and was refusing to get out of it. 

He had been staying at James and Lily's flat since after Anabel's funeral so they could keep an eye on Sirius and make sure he didn't do anything stupid to himself, but this was so much worse. Instead of harming himself, he was wasting away. 

At that moment, James walked through the front door, his hazel eyes locked with Lily's green ones, seeing the sadness in her moist orbs he knew that she had tried yet again to coax Sirius out of his bed. 

"Again?" asked James softly as he walked towards his wife. 

All Lily could do was nod. She hated seeing Sirius like this, but at the same time she too was mourning. Anabel had been her best friend since nursery. They had been inseparable all their lives. James wrapped his wife up in his arms and held her. She wasn't crying, but he could feel Lily trembling slightly. 

"What's the matter Lils?" James whispered into Lily's hair. 

"I can't do this anymore James, Anabel was my best friend. Don't get me wrong, I love Sirius, I do, but this needs to stop. I get that he's hurting but so am I," Lily whispered fiercely. "Enough is enough James. He's your best mate, deal with him." 

James pulled away sighing. He just wanted to give Sirius time to work things out, but he could see where Lily was coming from. 

"I can't promise anything, Lils, but I'll do the best I can." Giving her hand a squeeze, James took a deep breath and opened the door to Sirius' bedroom. 

James was hit by the smell of stale sweat and tobacco as he entered the room. Wrinkling his nose, he walked over to the bed his best friend was huddled upon and sat down. He put his hand on the lump beneath the covers. For the longest time James sat in silence waiting for Sirius to acknowledge his presence. In the end James spoke. 

"Sirius?" 

Grudgingly, Sirius sat up, his face looked grey with sadness, his eyes red rimmed and heavy with bluish black bags. He had grown a full beard, and his unkempt hair was longer. He looked gaunt and ill, and James nearly gasped out loud at the sight of his best friend. This was the first time in almost a week that James had been in to see Sirius, as he had been working the late shift at the hospital. 

"Dude, what happened? Did you fall in a ditch?" asked James, trying to lighten the moment. 

But Sirius just grimaced. He was fully aware that he was rotting away in this room, but he really couldn't care. He had lost his reason for living, so why should he carry on? 

"Mate, you need to pull yourself out of this, and rejoin the rest of the world. I know that it's hard…" 

"Have you ever lost someone you truly loved?" barked Sirius crossly. 

"No but…" 

"Well how can you fucking tell me that it's hard when you don't have a clue? Just get lost, James," Sirius spat, his voice dripping with venom. 

"Mate…" 

"Get. Out."

Sighing, James stood and started across the room, only pausing momentarily to look over his shoulder at the lump in the middle of the bed before closing the door behind him. 

James wandered into the kitchen, heading towards the fridge. He opened the door and grabbed a bottle of beer. He closed the door with his foot, while he fished for his keys from his trouser pocket and found his bottle cap-remover keyring. Upon opening the bottle, James put the spout of the bottle to his mouth and began drinking in great draughts until the bottle was empty. It was only when he put the empty bottle and his keys on the middle island that he noticed Lily standing in the doorway eyeing her husband. 

"I'm guessing you didn't have any success either?" asked Lily. 

"No, he just got really morose and kicked me out," said James sadly. 

Lily moved towards her husband and gave him a hug. For once, her ready tongue failed to find the words to comfort her husband. 

For some reason, midnight was always the worst for Sirius. It would be this point of the day when he would wake in a cold sweat, his heart trying to pound out of his chest. Every night without fail he would wake and bolt upright, and tonight was no different. Using his shaking hand, Sirius scrapped his sweaty hair off of his face and took a deep steadying breath. He looked around, before his eyes alighted on the figure standing in a dark corner of the room. 

"Who's there?" asked Sirius bravely - - well more bravely than he was actually feeling. 

"It's me my darling, who else would it be?" said a female voice. 

Sirius gasped aloud, and scrambled out of the bed. 

"Anabel? Baby, is that you?" asked Sirius pleadingly. 

"Sirius, did you fall on your head today? Of course it's me!" 

"But they told me that you were dead," said Sirius with a catch in his voice. 

"Pfft, I'm here am I not?" said Anabel as she walked towards Sirius. 

He watched as she walked towards him. She was still as willowy as she had always been. Her long sheet of blonde hair hung in delicate waves down her back. Her slim figure wrapped in her favourite red dress. But as she approached Sirius her eyes looked different, they looked cold and hard as opposed to her soft green eyes that used to sparkle with fun and mischief. 

Anabel held out her open arms to allow Sirius to hug her, but Sirius hesitated for a moment. Realising that Sirius had hesitated, Anabel flew into a rage; a rage nothing like his sweet Anabel would ever throw if she'd been alive. 

"I knew you didn't really love me," Anabel stormed as she closed the gap between them. "I knew that you were a worthless bum that wasn't worthy of me! My parents were right."

Sirius whimpered as the tears cascaded down his cheeks. 

"Anabel, why are you saying this? I have always loved you, and I will continue to love you for the rest of my life."

"Prove it," whispered Anabel. 

"H-How?" stuttered Sirius. 

A grin of pure evil spread across Anabel's cold white face. Sirius gasped in terror as cold white hands wrapped themselves around his throat and began to squeeze…

Lily woke and glanced at the clock, the illuminated red dials told her it was midnight. Slipping from the bed, she softly padded out of the room to use the bathroom. On the way back to bed as she silently passed Sirius' room, she heard Sirius talking and whimpering in his sleep. She quietly opened the door and stepped in; it sounded like Sirius was choking. Lily dashed across the room and furiously began shaking Sirius, hoping that he was only dreaming. If not, she would have to get James to help her. It was at that moment that Sirius' eyes flew open and he took a huge breath. Not really realising it was Lily who was standing over him, he pulled away from her and shuffled across the other side of the bed, breathing hard. 

"Sirius, are you okay?" Lily asked softly. "You were talking and whimpering in your sleep. Then you just started choking."

"Anabel, it was Anabel," whimpered Sirius quietly. 

"Darling, you were dreaming," said Lily in a hushed voice. Her mind was racing. This really was getting worse by the day, if this persisted they would have to have to think about having Sirius committed. 

"Why? Why would she try and kill me?" cried Sirius as he was now awake properly and staring straight at Lily. 

"Like I said it was just a nightmare, nothing more," said Lily as calmly as she could. 

"Lils? Sirius? Is everything okay?" asked James as he stepped through the door. 

Lily and Sirius both looked up at James in surprise. 

"We're fine, sweetheart, Sirius just had a nightmare, that's all," said Lily quickly. "Right I'm going back to bed."

Lily quickly shot out of the room, leaving both James and Sirius looking after her. 

"What on earth?" muttered James. 

"I think I may have frightened her a little," said Sirius sighing. 

"Ah. Are you okay mate? You look like hell," said James as he carefully eyed his best friend. "Can I get you a cup of tea or something?" 

"I'll be fine, James, no thanks, I'm going to try and relax and go back to sleep," said Sirius as he shuffled back towards the middle of the bed and laid down. 

"Okay, well if you need me…" 

"Thanks," said Sirius dismissively. 

James stepped out of the room and pulled the door to. Once he was comfortably ensconced back in the bed he shared with Lily, James pulled Lily close and held her. 

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" James asked in concern. "The way you took off…" 

"Yeah, but I am really beginning to question Sirius' sanity James. He was implying that Anabel was a ghost and trying to strangle him to death. I guess it just weirded me out a little to hear him talk about Anabel that way," sighed Lily. 

James held Lily tighter for a few moments before speaking again. 

"I think it's time we call in some help. I'm going to phone Remus tomorrow," said James. 

Lily gasped then face palmed. Why hadn't she thought of that? Of all the people in their friend circle, Remus was the best bet to pull Sirius around. Four years ago, Remus' wife had died during childbirth, and he had been left to raise their son alone. 

James felt his wife relax under him, and he kissed her before returning to their slumber. 

The next day whilst on his break James paid a visit to Remus' office. He explained everything that had happened over the past month. Remus had gone into psychiatry after his wife's death, so he was the perfect candidate to help Sirius out. By the end of the call, Remus had agreed to come and help set Sirius straight and get him back on his feet. 

At seven o'clock that evening, Remus arrived at the Potters' flat. 

"Lily, hi," said Remus as he stepped over the threshold of their home. He opened his arms to her and allowed Lily to hug him. 

"Aw Remus it's so good to see you. How are you? How's Teddy?" 

"I'm very well, Lily, and Teddy is thriving. Andy and Ted send their love," smiled Remus as he pulled away. 

"I must have you all over soon and I'll do dinner," Lily smiled in return. 

"Remus?" 

Everyone spun around towards the sound of the voice. Sirius stood there looking skeletal, his grey eyes looked sunken and the bluish black bags under his eyes were a stark contrast on his white face. 

"Sirius it's good to see you," said Remus. If he was shocked at Sirius' appearance then he managed not to show it. 

"What are you doing here? As if I don't know," asked Sirius of the former, and muttered the latter. 

"Oh so I can't come and see my friends now?" asked Remus mildly. 

"I just thought… Oh never mind," said Sirius before turning on his heel and heading back to the bedroom. 

"He's been like this for weeks. I haven't been able to get him to eat, he drinks a little and smokes a lot. But other than that he spends all his time in bed asleep," Lily explained. 

"Yes, I can see that. I'm going to give it a little while then I'll go in and have a chat, now how about we have some tea?" Remus smiled at Lily. 

A bit later Remus knocked on Sirius' bedroom door. 

"Come in Remus," called Sirius. 

"How did you know it was me?" asked Remus as he entered the room. 

"Lily and James never knock," replied Sirius from the open window where he was smoking a cigarette. 

"Ah, well how are you Sirius?" 

"Peachy keen, jelly bean," Sirius replied morosely. 

"Good to see you too, old man," chuckled Remus. 

"How are you?" asked Sirius without any real interest. 

"I'm very well, at least I'm doing a lot better these days," Remus replied with a sad smile. 

Sirius looked at Remus and grimaced. He remembered only too well what Remus had been like after Dora had died. He eyed his friend and was glad to see that he had gained a little weight, and his eyes weren't so sunken, and he even had a little colour back in his cheeks. 

"How's Teddy bear?" 

"He's doing well, he'll be starting school in a couple of months. He's been asking to see his Uncle," Remus added slyly. 

"I'm not ready yet," said Sirius sadly. 

"Oh you're more than ready my friend. Come here! Come on, come here."

Complying with his friend Sirius moved toward Remus and allowed the man to embrace him. Sirius melted against Remus. It was the first time since the funeral that Sirius had allowed anyone to hug him. All the hurt and anguish came out, and Sirius sobbed until he couldn't anymore. Remus held him and allowed Sirius to just let it all go. When Sirius had stopped crying and had dried his tears, Remus moved them both to the mirror on the wardrobe door, the very mirror Sirius had been avoiding looking in. Sirius clenched his eyes shut and refused to open them. Remus stood behind Sirius and made him look at himself, just as Sirius had done to him four years previously. 

"Look at you, Sirius, look at what you're becoming," said Remus using Sirius' own words against him.

“I can’t.”

"Yes you can, now open your eyes and look," said Remus forcefully. 

Sirius opened his eyes and looked at himself long and hard. He couldn't believe the state he was in. He tried to recoil away from the mirror but Remus held onto him tightly.

"No Sirius, look and see," demanded Remus. 

"I have, Remus, old friend, and I'm sorry for allowing myself to become… this…" said Sirius sadly. "But it's just so hard without her, Remus. She was my whole world."

"I know, believe me, I know how that feels. But you still have friends that love you. You need to learn to lean on us and get yourself well again, not this shell of a man. Also think about how Lily must be feeling, Anabel was her best friend since nursery, imagine how acutely she must be feeling this pain too Sirius. You weren't the only one who loved her and lost her. Lily feels as though half of her has gone missing right now, and don't you think she wishes she could fill the void? That the pain would stop? and also don't you think that Anabel would be shocked at the state of you?" 

Sirius grimaced again. Before turning around to face his friend. 

"Help me, Remus?" pleaded Sirius in a small voice. 

"Of course I will, Sirius," smiled Remus. 

After that night, Remus took over Sirius' care. He had him moved to the psychiatric ward at the hospital. With time, patience, and a lot of counselling Sirius was well enough to rejoin the rest of the world. He had gained weight, and his face no longer looked skeletal. He'd had his hair cut and had shaved his beard. Even the bluish black bags under his eyes weren't so dark anymore. 

Sirius had come to like the hour of midnight. He liked to lay on the grass in Remus' yard and just stare up at the inky black sky, and plot the constellations above him. He said it gave him a strange sense of peace, some nights Remus would join Sirius and they would just quietly chat about random things, and sometimes they would dare to be more bold and talk about heavier subjects. 

Though for the longest time Sirius forbore to speak about Anabel. That took a lot of coaxing, and when he did he would only speak to Lily about her, knowing that she too was mourning the loss of her very best friend. Eventually they were both able to laugh and look back and smile again, Anabel had been a character and they both wanted to remember her that way. 

Eventually Sirius found himself again, and he was happy. Not the kind of happy that he would have been if Anabel hadn't died, but the kind of happy that she had lived and loved, and that she had been his for a little while his only regret was not having had a chance to propose, he would have given anything to have had Anabel as his wife. But he'd never have that chance now.


End file.
